American Football …..an outsider’s view

Lesley and I spent October in the US and as is our wont, we spent a considerable amount of time sitting in bars, where we were often confronted by ‘the game’. Now no one could describe me as a sports fan, so as a result my analysis may seem a little off key but as far as I could make out ‘the game’ took one of three forms – two involve adults playing rounders or netball and a third game described as an American football which I found somewhat of a misnomer as there seemed to be little contact between anyone’s foot and the ball in question! Anyway this is my attempt to understand the rules of American football:
1 There are a large un-specified number of players on each team.
2 They all arrive somewhat late to the game by motorbike, since they don’t appear to have sufficient time to take their crash helmets off. I suspect this must happen regularly as they have their names on the shirts otherwise you would be unable to identify them.
3 Somebody blows a whistle and one person throws the ball to another player, who is preferably a member of their own team.
Meanwhile the other members of the teams bump into each other for a while until the whistle is blown again.
4 This is then repeated until it’s time to go home.

Got it?

I did actually explain my hypothesis to an American friend who is a fan of ‘the game’and he confirmed that I had actually grasped the main principles.

Patronising git

I had the misfortune this evening to see a short piece of University Challenge.

The participants were asked to identify the composer of a piece of music; They offer Schubert.

Paxman’s response “Schubert! (said in disbelief) Schoenberg!”

Let me point out to you, Jeremy, that it is very easy to be smug if you have the answer in front of you. And frankly if you DID know the answer, you are not there to show off your esoteric knowledge. Twat.

The (lost?)beauty of language

 

 

In yesterday’s Independent, Simmy Richman was looking at how the British perception of queuing has changed. Apparently Aaron Gillies in his new book suggests that: ‘Get to the back of the queue, you prick’ as the modern response. But how much more comforting to read Guy Browning’s description of the British way  from his book ‘The British Constitution :first draft:

” In the event of a verbal warning failure, the queue is allowed to seethe with resentment accompanied with barely audible muttering.”

As British as it comes— but then what else could one expect from a man who is named after the leader of the  Dambuster’s from a family named after a gravy making ingredient?