Humour Humor Life

The Cinematic Experience . .

A short while ago, I had two entirely different cinematic experiences.; first watching the new Bladerunner film at a multiplex and secondly watching ‘Loving Vincent’ at Home, an arts complex in Manchester.
Both being of a certain age, Lesley and I are entitled to reduced price seats and have the freedom to watch films at off-peak times. So far, so good. It was with some amusement and delight we discovered that we had a 256 cinema to ourselves! The show starts and the interminable ads and trailers which have long replaced the B-movies of yesteryear commence. It is during this time that some other people arrive and being Brits, follow the numbered seats routine and sit next to us. At this point, I realise between them, this family of three, are carrying sufficiently large quantity of snacks and fizzy drinks to dress the set for a 21st-century version of Belshazzar‘s feast or even ‘La grande Bouffe’!
Immediately the person sitting closest to me begins to shovel food into her mouth with a metronomic and robotic movement whose timing is so precise that the next portion arrives at her mouth at exactly the moment she’s completed the deafening process of masticating the previous dose of food substitute. I am galvanised. I tolerated it for more time than I should’ve done as by the time we’ve moved I am a twitching wreck unable to enjoy the cinematic pleasure.
In contrast, the arts cinema was small, full and was completely lacking in earth-shatteringly loud snacks. I enjoyed the film except for the presence of two women sitting to my right who constantly laughed at on screen events which were NOT particularly funny in that superior way that implies they had noticed a set of nuances which us mere mortals were unable to discern. This flaunting of faux discernment was a conceit is clearly underlined by the fact they sang along to the odious ‘Starry starry night’ which the producers had predictively chosen to end the film!
So: which is it to be ?

By Rowland Jones

Jones spends his time writing & performing his songs, writing to the papers, doing illustrations for Zuiderlucht and browsing idly around the net for considerably longer than any adult should . . .

2 replies on “The Cinematic Experience . .”

I am so glad that you took the time to write and discuss this as I had a similar experience at the the Light cinema in Stockport. We went to see Ready Player One and at the last minute before the film started a family of 6 rocked up with both arm holes full of popcorn and the dad insisting we were in his seats. I think my fight or flight response kicked and normally i would move but I knew we were in the right seats and so I fought back. There was also a bit of male intimidation going on and I so I thought, I’m not going to let him away with speaking to me they way he did. He told us that we should have printed off our tickets as we had electronic ones and I refused to get my ticket out as 1, the movie was starting and 2, i knew we were in the right seats. Anyhow, he settled down with his glass of wine whilst I was left reeling and continued to vent my frustration by glaring at his teenage son who noisily troffled a human size vat of popcorn.
At the end of the movie I thought maybe he was right and we were in the wrong seats after all, so I waited for them to leave to check my phone and yes, we were in the correct seats after all. Such drama these day.

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