Humour Humor Thoughts

Back to the future? No-forward to the past!

I’ve moved one of our Bluetooth speakers into the bedroom. The idea is that as I’m slowly coming round after another night of spasmodic sleep or recovering after an terrifying adventure on ‘Planet Rowland’, I can listen to the soothing sounds of the ‘Today’ programme. It also prepares me for the next round of obscene suggestions from the government or more revelations regarding the criminal activities of our ruling classes

Today’s ‘Today’ was very strange in that I felt I’d been transported back in time – Here’s Tony Blair! And now here is William Hague! Two things struck me immediately:

1 It was difficult to discern any differing principles between two supposedly opposing party representatives. In fact, it was quite difficult to discover any principles at all!

2 Why does William Hague always sound like somebody impersonating William Hague?


Life Quotations Thoughts

Lies, damned lies and . . . more lies!

We are surrounded by liars at every level. I’m not even going to mention the Government as they have taken lying to the heights — to the point of openly denying what they have said even when it has been recorded! No -I am talking about the habitual lying that we are confronted with everyday from all directions. My network provider which, for the sake of anonymity, I shall call ‘a number more than two and less than four’ sends me a message on the 20th of every month saying ‘you have nearly reached you spend limit’. I am only a week into the current charging period and there are 29.48 GB left from my 30 GB allowance. So it is untrue, yes it is a lie.

Similarly I regularly get notices saying my iCloud storage is nearly full and it never has been. The number of scam callers I get is phenomenal and I know I’m not alone. One company has called several times and I answer them when I want to irritate the hell out of them and waste their time. The conversation goes like this. The guy introduces himself saying: ‘I am the Home Insulation Advisor for your area.’ ‘Oh!’ I say, trying to sound impressed by his self designated status. I then let him ramble on for as much time as I have to spare, before asking the $64,000 question. ‘So are you from the council or is it a Government department?’ Here there is usually some pleasing hesitation and a large chunk of nervousness leaping into Mr Blusters sales pitch. He says the name of his company – at which point I simply say – ‘So you are private company adopting a name and stance that you think will convince innocent members of the public to part with valuable cash by falling for your seedy little subterfuge.‘ The silence is deafening.

It is claimed that Oscar Wilde (and several other famous people, apparently) said ‘Always be nice to your enemies – nothing annoys them more’ which is entirely true but in some cases a slightly different approach can be rather satisfying, too.

Humour Humor Life Quotations Thoughts

Word of the day

Courtesy of Susie Dent!

‘huff-snuff’ (16th century): a strutting braggart who likes to bully others but is quick to take offence.

I’m wondering if it could be applied to people who take the mick incessantly but get deeply offended if the tables are turned …….

Humour Humor Language Thoughts


Concise and witty criticism . . .

‘The covers of this book are too far apart.’ Ambrose Bierce 

The Devil’s Dictionary by Bierce is a great book to dip into: e.g.

Politics. n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

Written in 1911, but apposite today!


New Yorker animal cartoons are always brilliant!!

Humour Humor Life Thoughts

Somewhat blatant?

I don’t think anyone is in any doubt about the links between the Tories and big business but surely being called Mark Spencer is a little too obvious even for them?

Language Life Thoughts

It was a dark and stormy night ….

Before I finally awoke at four a.m., I had already made one trip to the bathroom. Returning to bed, I looked in on my desk to see what time it was. I glanced out of the window.

The rain was lashing down and the wind was howling in gusts. There before my eyes I saw four hooded figures standing at the corners of a large pyre of wood waiting to be ignited. Their cloaks swirled in the wind. My mind flashed back to the cathartic scene in Race with the Devil where Peter Fonda sees a coven performing a Satanic rite – the event which instigates the frenetic chase which leads to inevitable disaster. . . .

I put my glasses on so I could see my watch which also enabled me to make out the shape of the skip which next doors builders had filled and to which they had attached black bin liners ……..

Humour Humor Life Thoughts

Question Team

Watching this new series on Dave. Nobody – other than Vic – does absurd like Bob Mortimer! They set the bar SO high!