Planet Rowland . . . . .

l rarely wake feeling refreshed and Lesley’s first words to me are often: ’What was happening on Planet Rowland last night?!’ She’s often aware of my parallel existence as I wake her whist fighting my invisible demons. To illustrate this tiring phenomenon, I’ll describe last night’s experience – one of the less violent but typically frantic.

It began fairly normally – normal, in my terms anyway – with me having successfully robbed a train with the help of Richard Aodaye dressed in a deep scarlet velvet suit with flared trousers. Having dropped Richard off to catch his bus home, I headed off with my other companion – an amalgam of Hagrid and an Italian guitarist friend called Enzo.

Whilst we were deciding where to hide our ill-gotten gains we realise that another gang has designs on our ‘loot’ but no sooner had we shaken off the first gang, than another larger gang took up the pursuit. As a result we were caught in a situation where before ‘large fish’ could eat us ‘small fish’, ‘large fish’ itself was eaten by ‘even larger fish’. This chase continued in the style of wacky races meets silent movie until on the verge of an unpleasant denouement, I woke up.

‘I love sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?’ said Ernest Hemingway. Bloody lucky you, Ernie…….